/想得多， 到底是好事还是坏事呢？
/拼命抓着过往的人、事、物，其实只是个惯性的姿势罢了。
/过了，就是过了。任凭你呼天喊地、怨天尤人，还是错过了。
/放手，是一门很深的学问。

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i did a lot of thinking lately. to reflect what happened in the past and present. sometimes it's impossible to revert the impressions, whether true or false, that others have on you. i was reading what my friend mjo* on her blog, telling how that ONE incident to make her transformed and since then "converted into a really practical person.. no longer mind how people look/ thnk of her, no longer allow her heart affecting her decisions". although i have no idea what is that particular incident that transformed her, i truly admire the courage of no longer mind how people look at you. although others like tijsmfz* and zt* have been telling me one doesn't have to mind how the surrounding people think of you. but.. still, to know about it and to actually execute it, it's two total different things. i can even say it could be my low self-esteem. or whatever. it might not appear to be that way to some.. oh well.

+++

time really flies.
it was not until ivjkjf* actually mentioned that we went to Brisbane River Festival that i realized that ONE whole year has passed. not to mention baby Ashriel has grown to 1 year old, totally different from what he was like when he is newborn (what am i saying, of course that will look different!). then again, for the one whole year, the ugly scene between I, G and me is not resolved. not even close. it's ironic that the older a person get, the longer a 'fight' will last if there is one. do you still remember when you fight with your neighbouring kids during kindergarten, how long the whole scene last? one week? one day? or probably, less than one hour.
grown up are complicated. as illustrated in Le Petit Prince.

if IG was not there, i might talk to G. or might not. oh well, people might not even care.

i couldn't agree with NG in our phone conversation before he left in regards to I's thinking.
but for sure, i won't exert mine thinking to I. as return, i hope NG won't ask me to accept what I's thinking. to understand is one thing, to accept is another.

/放手，是一门很深的学问。

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ld* chatted with me on msn the other day with regards to sfj*. i'm glad that he is over it. somewhat this remind me of xi* that i rejected looooooooong long time ago. i still remember how i was scolded upside down by sec school buddy J and P back then.
okie, blame that i'm picky. blame that i'm choosy. blame that i long for something that might be not realistic. all blame on me, alright?
i just don't want to waste your time. your energy. or maybe at the end, your time and energy to grieve or hate.

i once listed out 10 must-have that i'm searching for in partner, and that is to shut my poly buddy boesfy* up.
and i forgot to tell him, with this one criteria that fit in, the list of 10 must-have is overruled.
that criteria is feeling.

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on the happier note, the eye candy will be in charge in admin for the new lab that we are currently setting up. truth to be told, i'm freaking out with all these lab set-up. the next job i wana get is in some established labs. no more lab set up please.

but to hold my cough in front of this eye candy is so hard a task! i don't want to appear like TB patient before sucha eye candy sia =(

PS* IT'S JUST EYE CANDY. or a nice scene at work. do not let your thinking run wild.

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thanks to bmbo* for his company to church. although he is a church-goer himself and it's definitely no big deal for him, i appreciate his presence and didn't try to be cheeky. lol. that (almost annoyance?) would be the last thing is need after sat night.
pastor kong is really good in preaching i must say. but why am i always attend service on chapter ruth? -scratch head-

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talking to zt* is always comforting and happy. we know each other for almost 7 years now but we don't have much mutual friends. mutual acquaintance, yes. that is why her point of view is mostly objective. she is those kind of people that won't bug you for meet up every single week. we can don't see each other for months, only 2 emails in a whole year (that was when i was in brisbane-- but she was the first who sms me and said 'welcome back to singapore za bo' when i came back). when i run into trouble she will help if it's within her limit. when i run into problem she will counsel and give opinion, cool and calm. and that, somewhat calm me down too.
za bo, i understand your intention as well.. distance is beautiful at times. each individual need space and time of his/her own. i appreciate your friendship just as you said 'friend is scarce so friend that worth it must keep to heart'..
za bo, we'll go to eat durian when the next season k, even if my throat sore until must go hospital already also i will go.. ha...

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i'm seeing the ortho specialist tomorrow so i went for a jog just now, despite the fac that my calf/ knee is feeling the needle-pricking pain.
coz i'm not sure how long will it take to recover if i really go for op.
at least now the jogging shoes is not brand new sitting on the shoe rack waiting for its doom. heh.